If there is one quality I truly love and admire about the other mothers that I surround myself with, it’s their sincere and selfless ability to serve others. I feel as though it’s an innate part of our friendships that we have cultivated. If someone is sick, they can expect to receive multiple text messages from friends who want to check on them. If someone needs childcare, we are quick to offer to help and do not expect any favors in return. It’s a beautiful thing!
However, an article I recently read made me painfully aware of the fact that I may have been doing more harm than good in these seemingly selfless acts. Kristina from The Mother’s Niche wrote this thought provoking article entitled “Dear Jane: A Letter to Another Mother.” In this post, she paints the picture of the mother we all know: the one who watches your kids for you, organizes meals for those recovering, and makes you feel like the most important person in her life with her thoughtfulness. When picturing this woman, I immediately thought, “Yes! She’s exactly who I want to be! The one always thinking of others and acting on it!” However, after reading more, I quickly saw that, if she’s not careful, this woman can actually be thwarting the growth of others.
Kristina explains, from personal experience, that those on the receiving end of this continual generosity need the opportunity to reciprocate these altruistic acts. She passionately describes her desire to follow in these noble women’s footsteps by returning the favors, and notes her dismay when her offers of generosity were turned away. She confesses, “I thank you for being a good friend, but deep down I am discouraged when I can’t do the same for you.”
I couldn’t help but sit and reflect on all the times I had turned away other’s offers of service. How many times had I refused much needed help from a sweet, genuine friend thinking, “No. I should be the one serving you!” Candidly speaking, pride probably had something to do with it, and because of it, I was depriving them of the indescribable joy you receive when you’re able to support and comfort a friend in need.
I suddenly realized that I was the woman she was writing the letter to.
I’m making a decision to start seeing servanthood differently. As ironic as this sounds, it’s no longer going to be about me. Serving others is not going to be a one way street in which I receive all the praise. I’m no longer going to constantly shut my door to tender offers of support and service.
I strongly encourage you to read Kristina’s post, and if you feel the same conviction I did, make a decision to change. Let’s make a decision together to open our doors for opportunities for others to grow and find joy in serving. Let’s make a decision to make servanthood truly about others.
You can read Kristina’s post “Dear Jane: A Letter to Another Mother” here.
Photo Credit: Dinner Series
The Well Nourished Nest 